Hello everyone,
As a jury member of the committee choosing the person of the year, I want to introduce you to my candidate 'Angela Moore'. Angela Moore is a successful entrepreneur. She has already founded two companies. Her first piona teacher was her mother and later she graduated from the Eastman School of Music. Her classical refinement and passionate performances have delighted audiences worldwide. One day while she was about to perform on stage she had an allergic reaction to a body lotion. As a result of this she decided to develop her own line of skincare products. She started experimenting to find non-toxic creams and eventually launched an organic skincare line. Her degree was in music, not business, so she sought advice from respected businesswomen who were going through similar experiences. She went on to create an online community for female entrepreneurs. She says her success in business is due to her training as a concert pianist and, of course, hard work. Due to these reasons, I want to choose her as the person of the year.
Dear Gizem,
YanıtlaSilI really enjoy while I'm reading your task. I do not know this woman. I do not have any idea about her life and career. Now, I have the knowledge of her thanks to you. I like your writing. It şs generally well-organized. However, I have found some mistakes about your punctiation and there is a lack of the usage of your punctuation. You should pay attention to it. What is more, the context of your writing is limited. Therefore, you must develop it more. Generally, it is a good job. Thanks for your efforts. Keep up the good work. :)
Bu yorum yazar tarafından silindi.
YanıtlaSilHello Gizem,
SilI enjoyed while reading your task.I don't know this woman, either. I think you introduce her succesfully. But I think we have the same problem. We couldn't write long paragraph. I think that you should develop yourself to write organized paragraph.I found some mistakes here.Actually, I couldn't understand what you mean 'Her degree was in music, not business, so she sought advice '. You can give more information about this line. 'due to her training as a concert pianist and, of course, hard work.' I think you use the same structure while using 'and'.
Thanks for your writing and informing us. See you. Take care :))